Saturday, January 31, 2009

Musings of the New Year

Wow, haven't posted since October 1st. Not that I haven't had anything to say, I just haven't said it. But someone told me they missed my musing , however rambling they may be. So here I am again. 2008 rolled out like a lion. I managed 2 plane trips in November - one to Florida to visit my friends and had a great time and one to London to visit my baby girl. We spent Thanksgiving there and of course I had a cold. I couldn't go to Europe without one, it just wouldn't be right.

I fell in love with, (okay, okay, I admit it, I called her dog ugly) Berlina puppy. The little miniature dappled black and tan daschund puppy they have. We went to training class with them and when she was in school Alan and I or just Alan one day walked Berlina in the park. The "park" is Battersea Park in London. Full of ponds and in the summer, you can even rent paddle boats. It is very large and I was taken to all of Alyssa's favorite spots. The tree behind her is a "Strawberry Tree". Yes a tree, not a bush or plant and it does not grow strawberries. It had a sign - some type of hybrid. They have quite a few unique trees in the park. This is her favorite. She came home for Christmas and it was wonderful. She is now back at school in the middle of her second year of the program. She may stay through the summer months - and roll right into her third year for completion.

But January rolled in and here we are. I was talking to a work colleague I had not seen in a while last week and we exchanged the usual pleasantries, "how are your kids, how old are they now, what are they doing?" etc. We talked about hers in pre-school and mine in London. She told me how she lived a time in California and just missed her mom so much she came home after 2 years. She said "sometimes there is just no replacing mom, even with a phone call". And, so I realize how short my time is with my mom. She continues to decline in hospice care. The lack of oxygen to her brain causes her to be confused at times. But overall her mind is sharp. I want to remember the fun times for my children while they are still fresh in my mind. Some days, it is hard. This song keeps playing on my IPOD - like a bruise you have to press. "The Best Day" by Taylor Swift. There are two areas of the lyrics I find poignant - the chorus and an area where she talks about a bad day at school and how growing up (she is 19 in real life now) comes the knowledge of how much our parents love us no matter what.

I don't who I'm going to talk to now at school
I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you
I don't know how long it's going to take to feel ok,
but I had the best day with you today.

Now I know why the trees change in the fall
I know you were on my side even when I was wrong
and I love you for giving me your eyes
staying back and watching me shine and
I did not know if you knew
so I'm taking this chance to say
That I had the best day with you today.


So from time to time you may find a memory story here - not every story had a "successful" ending, but my parents were there for me each step of the way. And here I am today, successful with 3 great kids. I have my own foibles - they make me unique and to a large part, I too have my parents to thank for those.

Thank you mom and dad. I love you.

Four Red Dresses

I was 14 years old and used to going to work with my mom and watching her. She was a "keypunch operator". She had been doing this job since I was old enough to have memories. The cards would whiz by in the machine. I have to wonder how many fingers were lost getting those cards out. When RJ, my little brother was born in 1972, the company moved a machine into our house. My mom always held higher positions. She was the fastest puncher I think ever. I remember being 9 years old, sitting in the dining room watching her work at 9 at night. This was breaking new ground - to move a large machine into a home so a new mom could stay home with her kids. So when I was 14 she decided I should learn how to keypunch, which had just moved into the "data processing realm" but still held onto the term key punching. They had "floppy disks" that were the size of half the desk that you opened a hatch on the edge of the desk and slid the disk in. Entered a few codes and then started entering the jobs of the day. The company approved hiring me part-time and I received an official work permit. Everyone was paid an hourly wage at this job. My highest hourly wage was $4.00. I learned a trade for life. In High School they mandated typing. I would have everything typed within minutes of the assignment while my classmates were still pecking out the keys. Finally, the teacher just gave me a pass to the library for the practice sessions.

That company closed and I picked up a another keypunch job. It "paid on production" the faster you typed and entered the data the more you were paid. But it had to be accurate. After you entered the data, the work went to the checker and your errors were marked and your pay was reduced. You learned to be accurate. To even be hired you had to have a minimum keystroke of 10,000 strokes per hour. I had reached 12 or 13,000 per hour after accuracy checks. Computers measured everything. Pay was uneven though, a cold could reduce your speed, the company having less work the day you worked, and finally this company closed too. I fond other part-time work in retail and waitressing over my teen years.

At age 19, I applied for a major automotive company in their corporate offices. The job entailed keypunching and cataloging the computer tapes that came from the work. I did not have an extensive wardrobe. It was mainly jeans and t-shirts. But I had one dress I had bought for something. I knew I needed a dress. I was thin, but not evenly proportioned. Dresses did not fit me well. Mom always said I could wear Gucci and look like K-Mart, so she would sew my clothes for me to get a better fit. (She was an expert seamstress and made my first wedding gown and all attendants dresses).

So I had this one store bought dress. It was a deep red with a white collar. When I arrived, the look on the interviewer's face was priceless. I still remember it today, and it took me 20 years to say it was priceless. The interviewer was a male in his mid 40's and was antagonistic for the whole interview. At one point he insisted I tell him what letter was above the letter P on the keyboard (it is not the - if you look at your keyboard - it was different on keyboarding keyboards). I told him I never look at a keyboard, however, would be glad to test into the position. He finally gave me the answer as to what was above the "P". I explained to him that good keyboarders never looked at a keyboard. They should know the positions of the alpha keys, but recall of each character was not necessary, it was instinctive. I don't think this man could have done the job himself. It was a bad interview and I did not get the job. I ended up applying for and working for Wickes Credit Corporation where I learned many things about corporate life; moving around positions, losing a promotion in one area and finding out after a promotion to bill collector that there was one job in the world I did not want to do.

Mom was there for me when I came home from the interview - the first time I had been devastated by the establishment and treatment in corporate America. She told me how to dust myself off and try again. She suggested I not wear red again.

Second Red Dress:

Alan and I took a trip to Lake Geneva, Wi and stayed at the Hilton. (Now a condo unit). I didn't have anything to wear for this trip. (not unusual for me as a single mom with no money). So my friend Dawn lent me her red patchwork dress, size 8 or 10 (sigh). It was April 1992 but still really cold in Wisconsin. This dress had long sleeves and finally I had a dress that looked decent on me. She insisted I take it for the weekend. Alan took me on a horse-drawn carriage ride. That night he told me he loved me. Wow. He still has a picture of me in that red patchwork dress.


Third Red Dress:

At age 28, Alan asked me to be his wife. Wow, I had vowed to never remarry, and had 2 small children - he had 1. But the chemistry and love between us. I jumped. I said yes. We held a small church wedding and a pizza party for family and close friends. It was perfect. The minister wore an eye patch. The bride wore a red dress. Wait - the bride wore RED! I looked everywhere for a dress and they all looked hideous on me. I finally found this red dress combination silky rayon item. It looked good on me (in comparison to all other dresses) and we (friends and I) bought it. Mom looked doubtfully at it when I came home with it for the wedding. But the wedding was just days away at this point so it would have to do. We celebrated 16 years last October - so yay for the red dress.

Fourth Red Dress:

So flash forward oh 5 years. AJ was graduating from middle school and Rich and Aly in 4th and 6th grade. I had been elected to our local school board for a few years by then. I think at times it was somewhat hard on the kids having a mom on the Board. The school color for the middle school was a nice bright red. I happened to be shopping at one of the yearly clearance sales and found a nice shirt-waist dress at a Department Store marked down from $100 to $27. It was a solid dark/bright red. As I would be handing out diplomas to the 8th graders, it was perfect. I probably looked like a giant tomato with a head on stage (remember, dresses and my 5'3 unporportioned frame) , but I wore that dress for the years I was on the board at every graduation. This time I had matching red pumps! I had learned something about matching colors over the years. I gave it away when I came off the school board. Mom chuckled when she saw the red dress. There was something with me and red.

Today, when you ask Alyssa what her favorite color is, she will tell you red. When I didn't get that job at 19, I was so disappointed. If you asked me what the future held, I couldn't tell you. I just knew someone had looked at me and found me unworthy for that position. It was a decision made by the quality of my clothes. But that didn't stop me from trying again (the Wickes job, and other jobs since). My message - self worth has to be based on what you feel inside and you should never let someone else's personal judgement bring you down. I wish you all the best today and tomorrow.