The monumental importance of small everyday events in life

Mother's Day 2016

I came from a typical blue collar family upbringing. My relatives were miners in Minnesota. My dad was a postman then a cop. My mom worked office jobs and then part-time store positions. Life was "normal". We woke up, went to work, and went about business. Our focus was on the future goals. Where would we retire. Where and when would we finally do the things that our working to live had slowed down? Everything I wanted to do at 18 to accelerate that pace was shot down. The Navy was too scary for my mom to contemplate. They sighed with relief when my eyesight made me ineligible to be a police officer. And police work being something I knew, I went into the civilian side. It has been a rewarding 28 years serving the public. But that's not what this post is about. 

Through working at times 7 days a week, and no reserves for the luxuries in life, I learned to take pleasure in the little things. Sunrise and sunset would rock me with their boundless beauty. A quiet day to play outside, in perfect temperatures, was a good day. A bicycle seat for my toddler to sit in while we rode up and down the street was joyful. His giggles reaching my ears with the word "faster, faster mommy!" Wow, I wish I had a digital camera back then - pictures were expensive and many moments were not photographed. But they live on in my memory. 

The kids are now 29 and soon to be 31. My step-son is 33. My grandchildren are 3 and 11 months old.  I want them to remember and learn about the pleasure of documenting the little moments in life and how monumentally important those little moments are to building who we become. 

People who know me personally know I quit writing because my mom died. She was my muse. She was the reason I found the "little things" in life each day - both good and bad. and why I wrote about them for her.  The day-to day events share a lot more about us as a person, than that "once in a lifetime trip" memory. Don't take me wrong, those big events are important to share or celebrate; it is our daily actions that define who we are to the world - to the people we call family, as friends and how we are the parent we are to our children. 

Many of my early memories settle around playing hide and seek, laying on the green grass and watching the clouds move, imaging each angel that was lying on it as it made it's way across the earth. The jump rope games we played over and over. 

When mom moved to Minnesota and suffered from acute and unexpected homesickness for the family home in Illinois, we concentrated on the "little things" each day.

Mom taught me about the feel of fabric, the needle in my hand for cross stitching, the early love of computers and video games. I learned about tactile sensations long before i knew what that meant. My maternal grandmother taught me Finnish and about cooking, canning and how to drink coffee at age 4 (milk with a dash of coffee). My maternal grandfather taught me about always putting family first. Family comes before you, before anything material or selfish. 

So take the time to sit down with your children and build a memory. Play patty-cake. Go buy a long jump rope or just buy a buy a long rope. In our day we tied on end to garage door handles. Now so many door today have glossy fronts. So find a tree, a porch or deck rail. Teach your child how to jump so eventually you can sing songs to it. http://www.gameskidsplay.net/jump_rope_ryhmes/ 
My favorite was Miss Mary Mack:

Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack

All dressed in black, black, black

With silver buttons, buttons, buttons

All down her back, back, back

She asked her mother, mother, mother

For fifty cents, cents, cents

To see the elephant, elephant, elephant

Jump the fence, fence fence

They jumped so high, high, high 

They touched the sky, sky, sky 

And didn't come back, back, back 

Till the fourth of July, July, July

Contributed by Angela Martin and Heidi Wallis

Or, add to the end the following lines:

He jumped so high, high, high

He touched the sky, sky, sky

And he never came back, back, back

Till the fourth of July, July, July!

So in remembrance of my mom, I ask that you celebrate your children. That you take the time to find one little thing to appreciate in each day. Write them down as time allows. Buy a smart watch and put day one journal on it. You can dictate your brief journal entry. 

Happy Mother's Day in Heaven mom. Thank you for teaching me about the importance of small things each day. I miss having you to read the newspaper to. I miss laughing about inconsequential things. I miss the essence of you. The wonder you showed at all the small events in life. The wonder of love. The ability to throw back my head and laugh. 

Coats on the bed

Sometimes i think it's weird the memories what come to us in those early morning hours. I did not sleep well and was thinking about what color I wanted the bedroom painted. This led me to thinking about the bedrooms in my grandparents homes. At every holiday or birthday party, we'd all drop our coats and purses on the bed in the master bedroom. I actually don't do that in our house. If we needed to use a bed, I'd use a guest room. Usually I hang up guests coats. 

I don't like people in my bedroom. It is the one room I feel I don't have to straighten for company. Maybe it will change when I'm retired, but I doubt it. The bedroom is my sanctuary. 

Noodles feels the same. She chases away any guests who enter uninvited. 

Christmas Is Coming

The Holidays are sneaking up on me. Last year AJ, Emily and Finley  spent Christmas with us. It was the first time sine 2008 I felt it was a real celebration. This year they won't be with us so we will fly out to see them the week before Christmas.

Tonight I'm filled with reflection - ghosts of Christmas Past and wonders about Christmas' future and all that lies in between.

My parents divorced in 1968/1969 and remarried in 1970 so Christmas was always busy. We visited every side of the family over two days. Once I was married with kids we had a holiday schedule that fit in 3 or more visits. We all lived nearby so driving house to house, meal to desert as accomplished. Now the families are spread so far apart that it requires scheduling family time, plane flights or 15 hour car trips. Who knows what will happen when the other children start families!

And as the night draws to a close, my thoughts turn to my childhood. My mom loved Christmas. She bought a white artificial tree and it went up every Thanksgiving weekend. It was decorated with golden lights and I remember spending many a night watching the twinkling lights in the darkened room. My tree is not up yet ... But I close my eyes and I feel like I'm back home, even for a minute. So despite the melancholy that settles over me this holiday, I'm thankful for the old memories and for the prospect of new memories.
December 5, 2015 at 12:00 AM

Letting Go

 I am still shocked it has been over 5 years since I posted. After mom died in March 2009, I struggled to find meaning in everyday life. I experienced grief that took away every good part of my life for a very long time. Each day was an effort at finding who I was without my mom, my muse, my biggest supporter and largest critic.  This uncompromising grief has hijacked my life, my husband and children's time with me. It has hijacked my joy. So in the effort of letting go of the grief, I start talking of the good, the funny, the weird things in life again. Letting go doesn't mean I'm not still grieving. I still miss mom every minute of every day. Sometimes I think she is one of the few people in life who "got me" ... who understood the way my mind works.  No one understands like a mom. But she would want me to move on. To let go of the horrible grief and fully embrace each day. For my husband,  my children and grandchildren (2!) I have already started that process. Now I am writing again.

One Year

Alan remarked that I have not written since September. Somehow, I find it hard to explain how I lost my muse, my audience, my reason for writing. Losing mom continues to impact me each day. Missing her is constant. It has been a year and I have promised to write again. And so here is the one and only personal recap.

Q dying in June was just another nail driven into our hearts. But we were lucky, a mastiff puppy was born July 1st and Sweep joined us in September.
Xindi's joy at having a dog to watch over was overwhelming. She took him under her wing and decided he was her puppy - and as her puppy, she would decide who could touch him. We quickly corrected her thinking. Today, when Sweep (Sweepers to me) runs to greet anyone or any dog, we just tell her it is okay. He is friendly and social. He loves daily walks and car rides - demanding attention from Alan. He does not cuddle like Q did - and unlike Q he loves people, dogs, and children.
Very little scares him now that he is 8 months old and "coming into his own". Well, okay, neutering him on St. Patty's day has traumatized him and us. After ripping out every single stitch he is a current cone-head. Alan called it the cone of shame. Sweep calls it the cone of torture. I call it sleepless nights.

I continue to drive 150 miles a day round trip for work. Who would have thought the economy would tank like it did... the Illinois house sold on August 30, 2009 after almost 2 years on the market. I am surprised by how much I miss it and Lindenhurst. I had a full life there with the kids, schools, community work and friends. It will take me a little more time to settle in WIsconsin. I am pleased to say, each day is better. Alan loves it in Wisconsin and that makes each day worthwhile.

Alyssa is still in London. At some point she will graduate and come home, but for now, she is working hard on her studies. I continue to miss her desperately. Us mom's cling to our children - take pride in their accomplishments and miss them when they are away. I am your typical mom.
Richard is working full-time and going to school part-time while living with us. I hope he stays awhile, with the economy the way it is, he is better off here than struggling in a small apartment.
AJ is in Ranger School and we'll go to his graduation April 1st. Then he is off to South Korea, while Emily sells the house and begins Law School on the East Coast.

So today, I make the promise to start writing again. Stay tuned for dog stories, psycho cat stories and mishmash of travelogues.

Sweep Settling In

Despite not liking his crate at night, Sweep had no problem running into the crate with various objects to chew on - like Richard's work boot! His first 5 days were a little rough. He really missed his old family and spent a few days hiding from everything and everyone. We would go find him and pet him slowly - with some massaging - telling him we were ok.

I could hear his answer in my head - but there were no yappy dogs at the other place - why - WHY, did I get the yappy dog? However, she was quite fun when she wasn't stealing the toys away from him. She led him around the yard and taught him that barking is her normal mode of conversation.

Finally, he stuck to his guns. There would be no crate for him. But as he became more comfortable, he started looking for things to chew at night (the mattress, the dirty clothes we put down for him along with the blankets) and anything else he could think of. We knew he had to become comfortable with the crate. Stay tuned for the rest of the story.

Who are you? Where am I?

On September 4th we welcomed Blackmagic's Chimney Sweep (Aka Sweep) into our hearts and lives. We picked him up in Gurnee where we met his breeder as she was attending weekend shows (two back to back wins for her Yay!). We spent the week getting ready for him - and Friday morning set up his crate. Mazie loved the crate. She couldn't wait to get into it. We even set it up for later with sheets, and a cat bed on top! We stood back and said "Wow, it is big!" We know he will fully fill it in 9 months - but initially, Wow, it is BIG.

So off we went to pick up our puppy. He was 9 week old. He was not happy leaving his sister and brothers. We brought him home where he got to meet the yappy daschund and the house. He was quite upset at being without his support system. Alan picked him up and cuddled him in the chair. This look says it all:



WHO ARE YOU AND WHERE IN THE HELL AM I?


He hated his crate. He cried all night - for 2 nights - even with Alan sleeping with him. So we put him on a leash tethered to the bed and he finally slept all night long. I finally get some sleep today.

Xindi Completes Puppy Kindergarten

Xindi did a 7 week class of puppy kindergarten. The topics covered housebreaking (she did great), chewing and mouthing (well we can see how well that worked); House manners (jumping, barking, stealing items, etc.); basic obedience, puppy confidence building and the like.

At the beginning of class we were doing great only 1 or 2 accidents in the house, crated all night and sleeping most of it, and generally doing well.

At the end of class; we have no accidents in the house, Xindi has perfected the art of sleeping with mom in the big bed (crate, what crate?) walks herself with growly sounds on the leash and basically laughs at us each time we rein her in. The private trainer has confirmed - yes it is all my fault. She has to be at least 6 months for obedience but there is a class in between for her to try. I will be learning along the way. The question remains, what else she has to teach me?

She will start Puppy Foundation Agility in mid September. The possibilities are endless!

Mapping out the Woods

Xindi has been walking in the woods and finding all the good things for her new brother to smell and see. This part of the trail is one of her favorites - it ends in an open field, with a boarded up cabin and leads to a beautiful pond and picnic area. This must have been someone's hunting grounds before it was given to the County. The trails are nice - a little up and down in some areas - but a nice picnic and play area for the dogs. Usually we never see anyone when we come - today we came across two other dogs. We can't wait for Sweep to join us on our daily walks.

More Xindi Stories

While we wait to see if the Illinois house sells, we amuse ourselves with a very determined puppy. She is our first hound dog - our other dogs were bulldogs and mastiffs - all laid back - easy going. This one has a determination that is both endearing and amazing at the same time. Right now she is making random jumps at the old cat who has decided to have a lie down in her bed. Watch for that video later. She has enough toys though - when we don't take enough toys out, she goes to the basket and trys to pull them out herself.

Xindi eats at a fast pace. So we had to feed her in a muffin tin. Now instead of finishing her meal in 20-30 seconds, it takes her a few minutes. I use a piece of kibble to have her sit - then put down the tin. The sit is not really a sit, but we both try and pretend it is. She is in dog training classes and goes to puppy parties on Sundays now for socialization as she likes dogs better than people I think. We took her to the concert in the square - she is learning not to bark at people. She is so tiny - everyone towers over her. It is just a process.


We got her a car seat for dogs. This one was for dogs up to 20 pounds and cost $30.

I think we should have bought the 30 pound one - as it had a storage area under the seat. I like this style because both our cars are set up so that this seat works. It hangs from the top then has a strap that goes around the entire middle of the seat. The other style was more like an infant car seat - which needed a center seat belt that none of our cars have. You can't leave them unattended in it, as they are strapped in, so when we had to run into a store, we let her loose. Well on a stop to the local Wal-Mart, Alan ran in and she and I sat in the car. In this picture, she is mad because she is clipped in and can't get out. She knows it is possible - and was demanding her freedom. Like a baby, when the car moves, she sleeps, when it stops, she wants out of her seat.