To My Mom

My mom passed away today (March 7th) at 66 years old after a long battle with COPD and end stage lung disease. She was a smoker - she started smoking at the age of 12 in 1954 when smoking was glamourous and it was hard to find someone who didn't smoke. I remember the special promotions for buying so many cartons of cigarettes and you would get a t-shirt or special item if you sent in the box tops. I used to walk the 8 blocks to the neighborhood grocery store to buy her cigarettes. No one blinked an eye in 1974, 1975, 1976, 1977, 1978 - all the kids did it.

Then in November 2006, the drug store delivered the oxygen tanks. They gave her signs that said "Caution, Oxygen in Use, No smoking, No Open Flames". The only thing that stopped then was the lit candles. The smoking, well that was too hard. 50 years of smoking would take some time to end. I took a picture of the sign in front of the ash tray. We laughed - but it wasn't funny. Three months later a severe bout of pneumonia would signal the start of the end. By the end of April 2007 the hospital doctors told her and us the news. That her time was limited. She was placed in the hospice program and that was the beginning of the end.

But mom was a fighter and she laster longer than anyone thought. Two years in hospice - a record I think. She couldn't go out anymore - but she could talk on the phone, play games on the DS and sometimes make it to the computer to write the occasional note and play Pogo. Her friends from Pogo kept up her badges hoping for that occasional glimpse of Tiffers. Then in December she made the decision she wanted a puppy and that gave her the will to wait. The puppy came January 29th. And her decline came rapidly after that. By February 18th we all knew the end was near. What was so tough was the saying goodbye over and over. As she stopped eating I knew each time was probably the last. The hospice nurses and aides were the best people I have ever met. Being in the program for two years you really get to know people. They took exceptional care of mom and I can't even begin to say enough wonderful things about the home health aides that took daily care of mom from Itasca Hospice and the nurses visited. They took care of dad too.

In the end though it was just mom and dad. A lifetime of love. No life is perfect - but for them, they were truly perfect for each other.

More important than her disease though is the person that she was.

Mom was an expert seamstress. Growing up she made the most amazing dolls, clothing and other items. People would beg her to make them a goose or bear. When her dad died, mom stopped making dolls. She lost her inspiration - her muse. She still made clothes and other items. The kids have these gigantic Christmas stockings (3 feet tall at least) because Grandma felt they needed giant ones filled each year. And thanks to that, stockings is their favorite memory of every Christmas.

Mom loved the computer, gaming and meeting people. She loved playing games and later in life meeting people on-line. She was interested in everyone's lives and everyone mattered to her. I grew up playing card games with my aunts and my mom. Later on, with mom and her friends. Card night was always a favorite night. In 8th grade we got the Atari system and so came the obsession with video games. Mom loved all games. When the computer age came about in the 90's it took a bit to get her into it - she had just fought and won against ovarian cancer - a lucky break - stage 1, no chemo. Then the move to Minneosta right after the surgery. But the computer opened up the next new world to her. She found an on-line community of people to make friends with - people who loved to play games and were on at all hours of the day and night.

She made some great friends on-line and she cared deeply for them and what was happening to them. For a few years she played the Sims Online and met a woman named Lauri (SalemSky) who developed ovarian cancer. Mom was so concerned for her and sent her packages and called her until contact was lost. She started playing Pogo and found the Angie, Goofey, Mollie, Laurie, China and so many others - I don't know them all, but mom did, and she didn't forget a detail.

Finally mom loved her family the most - Richard, Alyssa and AJ were always on her mind. When AJ was in Iraq she kept his picture by her bedside to keep him close and in her prayers. She was so happy Alyssa was in school in London. she wanted more for Alyssa than we ever had in life. RIchard was her baby boy - and for Richard she wanted the world. She kept on me to make sure he had all he needed. Her wish was that he would move to Minnesota and go to school there - just to be close to her - but knew he was better here for job and school opportunities.

Almost every single day we talked on the phone. It took nothing at all to bring about a laugh or a debate about what was on TV. Any reality TV show, we'd call and take bets, do you think he'll do ... or she'll.... and now I know there is someone in Heaven there to do that with her.

People will always remember mom for her love of the casinos - it was another big game to her - with changing machines and bonus plays. She loved the monkeys and rockets. It was not about the money, but about the game play. The other thing everyone will always remember is ever-present wraps / shawls. She would wear them summer and winter. She could never stay warm enough. We are alike in that respect. She learned to make them them and anyone could stay warm who came to visit.

God called another angel home. I love you mom. I just don't can't say goodbye, so I won't. Say hi to Grandpa for me. I leave you with Amazing Grace and one of my favorite songs sung by George Strait:

You'll Be There

From the beginning of creation, I think our maker had a plan
For us to leave these shores and sail beyond the sand
And let the good light guide us through the waves and the wind
To the beaches in a world where we have never been
And we'll climb up on a mountain, y'all we'll let our voices ring
Those who've never tried it, they'll be the first to sing

Whoa, my, my
I'll see you on the other side
If I make it
And it might be a long hard ride
But I’m gonna take it
Sometimes it seems that I don’t have a prayer
Let the weather take me anywhere
But I know that I wanna go
Where the streets are gold
‘Cause you'll be there
Oh, my , my

You don’t bring nothing with you here
And you can’t take nothing back
I ain’t never seen a hearse, with a luggage rack
So I've torn my knees up prayin’
Scarred my back from fallin’ down
Spent so much time flying high, till I’m face first in the ground
So if you're up there watchin’ me, would you talk to God and say,
Tell him I might need a hand to see you both someday

Whoa, my, my
So I'll see you on the other side
If I make it
And it might be a long hard ride
But I’m gonna take it
Sometimes it seems that I don’t have a prayer
Let the weather take me anywhere
But I know that I wanna go
Where the streets are gold
‘Cause you'll be there
Oh, my , my
Cause you'll be there
Oh, my ,my