Minnesota and Dog Stress

I have a busy August - work obligations means no time off until after 8/15 barring an emergency and Aj and Emily's wedding is the 25th so we leave 8/21 for Boston. So I left Thursday 7/26 to see Mom. Alan had left for a family reunion in Canada (30 hour drive each way). That left Me, Richard and the dog home. Richard had work and volunteer obligations for the Lake County Fair. So the dog and I decided to make our way to Minnesota to see mom and help dad to the extent I can. In so many ways it was a tough weekend. The dog is extremely well trained but won't go potty outside of his normal areas. So I stop to let him out, he does one trip around the car and back in he goes. The weather is hot, so I worry the entire time I take a potty break about him being in there, cuz I obsessively worry - (yeah it is only 10 minutes, but he is getting old), and then we reached Minnesota. Well he had great joy, but little understanding of where his dad was. He looked everywhere. Every time I let him out I had to keep him from running to the dock - he decided that if dad wasn't in the house, he must be on the boat. I sleep in the living room with mom and so that was another change for the dog - he didn't understand why we weren't in the bedroom. My next dog is going to be less scheduled - it is like having a toddler. Then, my cousins came by on Sunday and my cousin had a sinus problem and talked like Herman Munster. Scared the living daylights out of the dog. He couldn't decide if he needed protection or he needed to protect mom and me. So we put a board up (1 1/2 feet high, he won't cross a barrier without permission). Dad decided to step over the board and fell (really hard). It was just a disaster from the word go.

Mom's illness continues to progress. It is very hard. That is difficult. The oxygen level has been moved up again to "4". Only 1 slot left on the machine to go higher. At the 3 her oxygen percentage was 84% on Wednesday. Friday her sats were 90. So a little better. She is feeling pretty sick right now. I am hoping hospice comes up with something to help her feel better. It is really tough. I won't get back now til after Labor Day. I am scared at what the changes will be - for me they are very apparent - because I am not there every day.

In the meantime, I got some great shots of the geese that this year have decided to make my parents house their home. The ducks have disappeared this year and been replaced with geese. Dad shoots a pellet gun in the air to scare them away. Said he is tired of cleaning up after them. After shooting off the gun, they swam away and headed for the neighbors a few doors down... where they hoped for safe landing. (That is them in the distance on the left). The ducks were certainly less messy.

I came home Monday the 30th. I stopped halfway to see Mom Helen and it was wonderful. Some day I need to write all those childhood memories down for my children. For tonight, this is enough.

p.s. 258 days until Alyssa comes home from Europe!

Richard Gets A Rabbit

My camera shy son, Richard, has finally joined the rest of the adult world by taking on a monthly car payment. A site draft from USAA burning a hole in his pocket, he tromped around dealerships for a week before settling on a Volkswagon Rabbit. We were going to get it from the dealership just down the street, but Rich decided he wanted to go back to the one 20 minutes away when they offered to beat the deal from the Dealership "just down the street". The first picture is Rich getting stuff out of his car at about 11:30 am. (His sister cleaned out her car already, so he traded in the Dodge and Ford for the Rabbit).



It took 5 hours to get this car - and not because of financing - just because of how they handle things and their staffing. Then to top it off, Rich did not get a thorough going over of his new car. So we'll help him with that tomorrow. I think he wanted this particular model because the center console somehow supports the IPODs. At 230pm we sent him off to work. I think he is quite pleased with his new car. I hope so, cuz it is a done deal now.

Takeoffs and Landings

I love my Apple. I think I have said that before. I especially love the widgits. I know that Vista now has something similar and before that Yahoo had something, but seriously, until my Apple, I never had such really cool stuff. Apple hire me, I can rave to all the newbies about why to get a Mac and be so not technical. Just coolness in itself. So now I am watching Alyssa's airplane fly to Philadelphia via a Widget. From there I will watch it fly to Amsterdam. No, I will not stay up all night watching it fly to Amsterdam (really, I won't, I promise... fingers crossed). Anyway, she is at 29,000 feet and the pilot is flying at 561 mph. I touch the plane on my screen and wish I could touch her just one more time...... So she is taking off "across the pond" and I am landing hard back into life. My baby girl is launched. Lessa was with and I think they have grand plans for living together wherever Lessa is stationed when Aly comes back. But Lessa hopes she finds a school there too. Or she just said that to make me feel better - probably thought - thanks Aly for having me walk with your crying mom through O'Hare.

So now I have my Itunes playing. In the Widgets, I have one that gets me the lyrics. I think I have the most depressing playlist set-up. So I get to listen AND read the lyrics as I watch her plane float through a fake globe. As my friends in my chat rooms would say WTF Bullie. That thought makes me smile. Right now Jewel is singing Again and Again - which is probably the most upbeat of all the songs. This is quickly followed by Leigh Nash's new songs, Just a Little and Ocean Size Love. Ocean Size Love - wow, what talk about hitting a nerve:

I see you right in front of me, as close as you can get

And I pray that you won't leave, this daydream yet


And it might seem much too far, to get back to where you are

But it's close enough, with an ocean size love


So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea

And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love



I don't have to worry any more

If I really need you I'll go to the shore

And the thought of you there is my protection


I see you right in front of me, a vision in my head

And I know this is as real, as a daydream gets
And it might seem much too far, to get back to where you are

But it's close enough, with an ocean size love.

and later in the song...


You make no sound, but I can hear you in the wind
I can see this never ends, like the sea, like you for me
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Her new album is great - Just don't listen to it when you are sad.

Let's see next on my playlist is Moments by Emerson Drive, Dreamin' Again by Jim Croce, Raining in Baltimore by Counting Crows, Fallen by Sarah McLaughlin, Hollow Man by the Boat Drunks. and Sideways by Let's Go Sailing (aka LGS). I like their music too. Listed as "alternative" music on Itunes.

Well, I will be following the plane, listening to my stupid playlists, watching the Big Brother 8 live feeds (aka The Hamsters), playing Pokemon Diamond (where the gym leaders in the Eterna Forest are hiding from me, sigh, I can't find them. I am a late comer to this game and am sooo sooo lost) Watch for mastiff updates. he is pouting - he saw the suitcases leave with Aly. I am sure we are in for full blown unhappiness from Mastiff dog - he and I will commiserate together. His feelings are usually fixed with car rides. If only life were so easy. Hugs to all.

Saying Goodbye

Alyssa leaves for Europe in the morning. It is time for mom to say good-bye again. It is good - the rite of passage - we send off the children and in turn hope to grow ourselves. Alan, Alyssa, Lessa and I went to the Potbelly's in Gurnee for a sandwich. Alan and Alyssa did their usual playing around at the table. They had a couple of guys singing songs for us. The first one was Knocking on Heaven's Door followed by "Oh, Pretty Woman (Roy Orbison), followed by Hotel California. I of course sang all the dire warnings in Hotel California to the girls. Each song leaving another pang in my heart. We said good-bye to Lessa too, as she joins the Navy August 6, 2007. We think of Lessa as our "other daughter", so it is painful that we lose both so close together. I know that Lessa's leaving is probably enabling Alyssa to take this big step and go to Europe for 10 months and see the world. May she find that there is more out there - and let it inspire her.

So I was playing with my primary list in Itunes. Near the top is Barefoot Children by Jimmy Buffet. I love that song from his Barometer Soup album. We listened to that album from Illinois to Alabama when Aly was 8 taking the boys to Space camp. And we played it over and over and over and over. I miss those days when she was 8, Richard was 10 and AJ was 12. I know they are doing just fine, but it really went by too fast. So in memory of that wonderful trip to space camp and then Disney World...

Scratch my back with a lightning bolt
Thunder rolls like a bass drum note
The sound of the weather is Heaven's ragtime band
We all fell down from the Milky Way
Hangin' round here till Judgment Day
Heaven only knows who's in command

Barefoot children in the rain
Got no need to explain
We'd be swingin' on a ball and chain
It's always understood by those who play the game
Barefoot children in the rain

Show me yours and I'll show you mine
Take me back to days full of monkeyshines
Bouncin' on a bubble full of trouble in the summer sun
Keep your raft from the riverboat
Fiction over fact always has my vote
And wrinkles only go where the smiles have been

Barefoot children in the rain
Got no need to explain
We'd be swingin' on a ball and chain
It's always understood by those who play the game
Barefoot children in the rain

By the way - it sucks being a grown-up - putting on a smile, watching them leave home and pretending you're happy about it. I'm not. Really, they can live here forever. And yes, Alan is completely comfortable being a grown-up. He loves that the kids leave home - and do their own thing. Finding their independence. Celebrating their experiences. (Take me with you). Sigh. I'll put some updates from Europe. I'll make them light and happy. Aj and Emily get married next month. Maybe I can convince them to have a baby! That would take my mind off Aly being gone. (Just kidding!)
Really AJ, I was just kidding!

PSS 277 days until Aly Returns

Mastiff Dog Makes A Complaint

'Q' has requested that I make an official complaint on his behalf. He said - (yes, he really told me this), that since I get to write about him all the time and take all sorts of pictures of him, he was allowed to use this space to tell the world about the (in his mind) grave injustice done to him again today. I told 'Q' I had to explain his story, as most people would find his compliant ludicrous - and I gently reminded him that his brother and sister (now deceased) loved the activities he was "forced" to perform today. The back story: We brought our lovely mastiff as a puppy to grandma's and the bulldogs (his brother and sister) dutifully introduced him to the lake. They chased the ball off the dock, happily throwing themselves into the water after it (and we would then have to save the bulldog from drowning - in 2 1/2 feet of water mind you), and they would splash at the shore line in complete and utter contentment. Grandma's lake is wonderful for small dogs and toddlers. It starts at ankle deep and very gradually increases in depth - you can make it 100 feet out and only be waist deep before it really starts to drop. As a puppy, Q decided the lake was not for him and wistfully watched from afar (the deck) as the bulldogs frolicked in the water. Q decided he was a "boat dog". He actively asked for boat rides, met the DNR and Sheriff's Police patrols with happy tails and barking and runs to the dock at every chance. Last summer, we got him into the lake for the first time ever. Not to be deterred, we decided to do another try (bath).

So Alan ordered him into the lake. And he reluctantly went. I came out in time to film the end scene and will hopefully get it on Youtube later. He sees me come out and thinks I came to save him. Thus, I get all the complaints. Q wants the world to know that the grave injustice he suffered today is:

1. Being forced into the large bathtub - full of cold water - not warm like home.

2. Being forced to stand on the squishy lake bottom (Do you realize what is hiding under that water? he screamed at me!)

3.. Being left alone, ordered to stay in place, while dad got the bucket (just out of camera range).
4. Having dad pour buckets of lake water over him and his face. (What if those scary underwater things came out of the bucket!!!)

5. Having your obedience commands used against you - where you couldn't break them - or else you would prove you were a bad dog.

6. And the final injustice - having POODLE SHAMPOO used on him that smelled like a fruit tree. He is a BOY, not a girl - and do I realize the smell will be stuck in his nose for days!

So, here are the pictures and I posted it to Youtube - I have now met my obligation to telling you about Q's perceived grave injustice.

Q and his views of cars and floors

We left yesterday afternoon to come to Minnesota. So in order to make up for my sad post of this morning, let me tell you some more adventures of our 'Q'. We bought the Honda Element after his second TPLO surgery. It has the side open doors, is low to the ground, which requires only stepping up and down into the car and the seats fold up to each side, leaving the whole interior open for him. He though, likes the seats down so he can sit on them for a short time, then lays down on the floor. We think he feels more secure laying between the seats, very crateish. The nice thing about the Honda Element is that there is enough room in the back seat for 192 lb dog to lay completely down and stretch out on his side.

We stopped for gas and invited him for a walk in a grassy, weedy area. He decided the bugs and field were not to his liking. He asked dad several times for permission to go back to the car and we finally obliged - and he ran and climbed right in looking very proud of himself. (Mind you, it didn't help that Alan parked the car, with the doors open - inviting the, please, please, please let me go back to the car plea).

We then arrived at Grandma's and the LAKE (which he won't go in but adores boat rides). That brought much happiness. Dogs do remember. He walked in and noticed right away that the girls were no longer there. (Amber and Crystal died this year, we think from the dog food tainting. They were teacup poodles - it was pretty terrible). Anyway, after they died, all carpeting was removed - the cork floor was left in place and laminated flooring was installed. The old tile was removed from the bedroom hallway and replaced with laminate flooring as well. Our house has Pergo in the kitchen/dining room and carpeting throughout the rest of the house.

Q hates the wood flooring at grandma's. He is standing in their bathroom - and refusing to come out. At home, we put carpet runners down for him. But grandma's house doesn't have that. With grandpa on crutches, we locked him behind the usual poodle size board (he knows not to step over it) and he refused to leave the bathroom because of the wood flooring. He goes from bedroom to bathroom, then tiptoes across the wood floor to the cork floor, where he can rest at last. I love this dog.

Alan is trying to convince me to go watch the fireworks on the lake. I am bleh tonite, sitting with mom. I think this year I want to sit with her and just watch it on TV. It doesn't even get dark until well after 10pm here. (Yeah, I am that far North). Well Happy 4th of July everyone. Have a safe and blessed holiday!

Changes Since Mother's Day

I haven't written about my mom before. People who know me - well they know that my mom is in Hospice care at home. That stunning news came at the end of April from St. Luke's Hospital in Duluth. She had no more options. She has advanced COPDD Emphysema, possibly cancer, (they won't do the tests for the cancer). The doctor said it doesn't matter if she does or does not have cancer the treatment is the same - she has no lung tissue left and no options for treatment left. She struggles each minute of each day for breath. So home she came and Mother's day weekend, her 65Th birthday, I was in Minnesota with her. Dad filled me in on the medication routines and I slept on the couch to be with her all night. We left and I expected to return shortly. My own medical problems delayed my return until last night.

Dad injured his foot falling off a ladder - it is a bad injury - tearing of ligaments, bruising to his knee and a lot of swelling. He injured it almost 2 weeks ago on a Thursday, went to the ER on the Sunday after the fall. Yesterday, the doctor said it will take more time and he was very close to putting him in the hospital for it. Dad is the only caregiver for mom so that would mean a nursing home if dad needs hospitalization. It looks really bad and is very painful for dad.

Her morphine has gone from 5mg an hour (or every 2 hours) in May to 10 mg an hour and she also has a 12 hour time release morphine pill she takes also. Plus a host of other medications. Her medications keep her breathing - at what cost I am not sure. I helped her with breakfast and she shakes so hard I help steady her bowl so she doesn't wear the cream of wheat. She sits hunched over and doesn't look at my face too often - which is good right now, because I just cry - my eyes always have tears in them. I filled up the oxygen water bottle - and noticed the setting had been changed. In May it was set to "2". It is now set to a higher oxygen flow - just above the "3" mark.

She called for Richard this morning (my son) and was asking if he took all his medication last night. She was worrying about dad taking taking his medication for his foot. I told her dad took his medication and she could rest now, I watched him. She frequently leaves off in the middle of a sentence because she can't remember what she was saying, and then she goes off on something very strange and unrelated. She kept trying to tell me something and then gave up. She called out to me and I asked her what and she said she was talking to them and pointed to the end of her bed. I asked who "they" were and she gave me names of her Hospice nurse and workers and was mad that I didn't say goodbye and had no memory of what was said. I left the room for a minute to compose myself and came back and she was talking to the kids in the room - didn't I see the room full of legos. I told her it was the TV - it was okay, there were no legos and she could go to sleep for a bit. If the hallucinations were providing some sort of comfort to her - I guess it would not be so bad. But some seem to upset her. She is chuckling to herself - so hopefully it is something amusing.

Before this disease takes her life - it is taking her mind and the remaining links I have with her. I am only here until the weekend and then home again. It is a 9 hour drive - each way. Words cannot describe the extreme changes in her just since May. (In May I was upset over the changes since April and in April, the changes since winter).

Today it is very hard - because I know the next time I come, well, I can't even bear to think about it.