What Terrifies Me

So Friday, the 19th, Alan calls and said, "Meet me at the Hospital". So, off I went to the hospital. I stopped for gas. I didn't want to beat him there. (I wouldn't want to look like an anxious wife). I do remember thinking, hmmm, it's going to be a long night. I packed my DS9 and a magazine. I didn't pack his game. So later the nurse said to me, it must terrify you to get a call to meet your husband at the hospital.... and I, being my typical self, just shrugged and said No, it's fine. I think I sounded callous. I grew up the daughter of a police officer. My dad did 29 years before retiring - and he had his share of injuries (the stomach bite, the retail theft chase resulting in a broken arm and a score of bumps and bruises from fights with the bad guys). There are always things that can kill us - car crashes, airplane crashes, walking across the street. But really .... there are other things that terrify me - So I took care of Alan all weekend, and thought of the things that terrify me (outside the usual things that terrify everyone). So a brief list of the things that terrify me:

The top of the list are my dreams. I have vivid and strange dreams. I have to be careful about what I watch before I go to bed or I dream strange things. I have the whole "killers chasing me and realistic spy games going on." But the ones that really get me - the dreams about wild animals. The one that woke me up yesterday involved Minnesota, lions and bloody snow. Why did I leave the house, (oh yeah, it was cold in there) and then I was trying to open the car door and the Lion was coming. Hmmm, maybe I need to avoid Minnesota in the winter.

When AJ was in Iraq, I was terrified that I would come home to find the big blue US Government car in the driveway and I would have to be the one to tell Alan or Sharon. Wow, someone was going to be in trouble then. (Remember the messenger boiled in oil). Since he may go back, this could happen. But he should be married by then and the big blue or black car will come to his wife. Truely, I wasn't worried something would happen to him. But I used to tell him, that car better not show up here, so keep your head down.

Apathy terrifies me. People just don't take an interest in what goes on around them until it happens to them. THEN its a big deal. How did this thing happen... and I didn't notice (Answer: Apathy) We are watching the cutting of government services, the lack of government services and a lowering of education in an effort to save on costs where the education budget is typically at least 95% or more of the budget just for teacher salaries (let alone books and programs). Tecnhologies available to the private sector aren't put in place in the government sector, because there is no budget for it. How many areas have Phase II cellualar 911 technology nationwide (let alone Phase 1 which just gives a call back phone number)? Do you know the answer. It will become important when that person can't get help on a road trip through a state somewhere or even in their hometown. In the end apathy by the public is public enemy number 1. You don't have to agree. It is just what terrifies me. I have seen it alot in my 20 years of public service. And I think it is going to just get worse over the next 10.

The BIG thing that terrifies me - The "thing" that gets me on a daily basis (in warm weather) and gives those around me the biggest laugh weighs less than an ounce and has the ability to fly. I can't even kill them. But their bite is very painful and for some people deadly. The dreaded bee/wasp/hornet. They have the ability to reduce me to the maturity level of a 2 year old. (Kill it, kill it, kill it). The bee comes and I can't help it, I do the bee dance as Alan calls it - flap my arms, screech, run away. Just hope IT isn't in the car with me when I am driving. :)

So I don't have a solution - to my nightmares, to my fear of bees or to curing apathy. But I thought I'd write about it for my kids. I don't want them to settle for the status quo but to be a part of the society they live in. Have a voice. Be legal, Be polite, Know the issues, make the ones important to you public in an appropriate manner (some day I'lll tell my Great America and Letter to the Editor's story) and vote every time. (Postnote: Aly - quit rolling your eyes)!